Almost Makes Aquaman Look Cool

From Tom Tomorrow, it's Pepsiman. Making sure all good Japanese people have a Pepsi. That's it. That's his superpower. People out of Pepsi = Pepsiman saving the day.

I've been staring at the box for a good 10 minutes, and I can't figure why he as a crutch? Maybe due to cola-related diabetes? Yeah, and he has a snowboard.

Also, he has face to speak of but he has a big hole where is mouth should be, obviously to drink plenty of Pepsi. Simply, he is a walking mouth with no eyes, ears, or nose. Thanks for the symbolism and nightmare fuel, Pepsi.

Pepsiman (he must be a DC Comics figure; in the Marvel universe, he'd be Pepsi-Man) also smells like Pepsi. The front of the box goes out of the way to say (in a Japanglish that's so adorable for trying) "All Parts Made of Smelling Material." Frankly, I applaud this move. Too many kids are huffing the wrong things.

But the back of the box is also precious. "He is very confident of his physical ability." Well, good for him. PepsiMom and PepsiDad must be proud.

A quick romp through Google says Pepsiman starred in a game for the Playstation One. Only available in Japan. Busy fellow.

To be fair, this Pepsiman, in his hybrid Power Ranger/Munch's "The Scream"/smellable wearables, looks a far sight better than this version, who shall forever be "the walking yellow nipple."

A quick romp through Wikipedia. An entry on our Mr. Pepsiman (Pepsiman-san?)

Best part: "After delivering the crisp, refreshing beverage, some cruel and painful fate would always occur to him. Whether it's trying to leap through the window of a house, only to hit his head on the frame, or run toward the entrance of a fast food restaurant when the cashier told customers they "ran out of Pepsi", only to start his pshaa and smack into the clear Plexiglas doors, an odd ending never fails to manifest for Pepsiman. There have been more serious finishes, like a crippling fall off the side of a snow-covered mountain, as he yells falling over the ledge. There is no blood or gore, so it's more slapstick than anything."

Well, yeah, because it would suck to have blood and gore all over your target product. Or your mascot. Hyperviolent raping tentacles and apocalyptic motorcycle gangs are fine, same with Lolita comics and Hentai schoolgirls who are part cats (ahem), but don't get them near your product.

I just don't get the Japanese.