Thursday, October 19, 2017

220


Happy monthly anniversary, my love. It's been a hard month since we lost Charlotte. We had the hard, tough decision to put her down as her brain tumor was consuming her. As much as we did it out of love, it was still agonizing to see that light go from her eyes when the vet gave her that final injection. We wept as we watched her slow down her breathing until an eternal stillness. She wasn't our cat anymore. She was a lifeless collection of fur and muscle and teeth and claws, forever gone and beyond our reach. It's in that heartbreaking moment where I don't want pets every again, no matter how much I love them and how much they love us. I don't want the heartache. I don't want the pain of giving them away to death. I don't want to see you cry. I know you have been through this many times before, but I don't want you to be hurt like this. I don't want you to ever be that hurt. And yet I know it's more likely than not that I'll die before you. I have a hard time reconciling that. I love you, but I can't protect you from the pain that will find us one day.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

219


Here we are. Another monthly anniversary. Summer is finally over. The heat and the smoke are replaced by the welcome comfort of rain and the embrace of longer nights and flannel sheets. This is the best time of year. This is the time when two introverts can curl into the weather and the changing seasons and enjoy the stillness and smells. I think fall is for us. I think there's just enough darkness for us to enjoy longer evenings before the devouring maw of winter swallows us in a night that seems to go on forever. There's a welcome chill in the air, but no bone-cutting winds or snow that makes you feel wet no matter how long you stay by the heater or put on dry socks. This is enough, just right now. This is balanced for us. This is the soft patter of rain, this is the crunch of dry leaves underfoot. This is the smell of nature going into slumber. This is for us.  

Saturday, August 19, 2017

218


To my love, happy monthly anniversary. It's been a trying month, and at least we got through it together. Things are back to a new normal, and we have a peace in the house. I only wish one of our cats felt better. The bad air gave all of them a round of coughing or illness. And then the invasion of rodents. Or a failing fridge. Or work stress. It was always something. Strange, but the more it piled on, the more things got simple. Almost pure. Just you, the cats, being creative, making sure no rodent snuck its way into the house. You called me a hero for checking under the bed and in the dark corners for you. I don't know why I wasn't nervous; it was just something I had to do. Of course I would do it for you. I love you.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

217


My love, it's been hectic and disorienting these past couple of days. At least it's nothing major; just a bevy of small demands and costs coming at us from all angles. It's nothing we can't handle, and looking back, we've handled so much more. It's fortunate for me that our monthly anniversary happening now. it gives a little more needed perspective. I love you.

Monday, June 19, 2017

216


I can’t believe we have been married for 18 years today. I’ve said it before, but we have a life where our togetherness is in a blink of an eye. I can’t tell time with us, and I don’t want to remember life before this era. I can’t. I choose not to, but I keep myself in this era because it’s a better slice of my life. We are that better slice, and I hope I always make you happy. I hope I make you laugh. I hope I’m worthy of you. 

Friday, May 19, 2017



215
To my love, happy monthly anniversary. One more until 18 years together. I can't believe this much time has passed. It doesn't feel like time has passed, though. Everything feels like one long day, small blinks of darkness as sleep, different colors of the sky for the seasons. I don't feel older. I don't see myself as older, even though I am.

We have been married for two-fifths of my life. Longer if we think about how long we knew each other before you smiled and said yes to me and everyone in that garden. I love you. I hope I make you happy.


Wednesday, April 19, 2017

214

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. I hope I always make you happy and that I'm grateful you are in my life. I know I wouldn't be anywhere close to this good of a shape without you, especially this month. I'm not worthy of you, and I hope I can one day show you as much love and support as you give me.


Sunday, March 19, 2017

213


For my love, happy monthly anniversary. It’s been a turbulent month with my health scare. At least everything is manageable now. No need to worry about a shortened lifespan. Just medicine and change in diet. Thank you for being here for me, supporting me, loving me, and helping me come to grips with this news. Two weeks later, everything is under control, and I love you so much for-without saying a word-helping me change my life and keeping me out of fear.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

212


Happy monthly anniversary to my love. With a new job, things are becoming stable again. Not comfortable. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable until I get a non-contact job. But it's calm for a while. It feels better, even there's no guarantee of anything in the future. Still, it feels better, better than it was this time last year. I love you, and I hope I always make you feel loved and safe.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

211


Happy anniversary, my love, and I have a new job. Found out today while driving to donate old hardware. I thought I blew the interview yesterday, but I impressed the creative director so much that they skipped a step and made the offer the next day. I can do this job, and it will be an impressive one. Thank you for being supportive, and thank whomever for being only three weeks out of work.