Today's Word: Know

He grabbed on to it, that one immutable piece of knowledge, the thing that would remain real and true. His brain was fading, dripping away as the drugs kicked in, and he needed something to remain his true North.

This whole shtick, being hard on myself for not being original, for thinking that everything's been done before...it's getting old. I'm tired of projecting my novel into everything that pop culture is tossing up these days, from Riverbend to Land of the Dead. Tired of this paralysis, this numbness that I have to rub out of some psychic skin to get the blood flowing again. It's bad enough to have an acidic demon monkey poke me and say what I'm writing could be better. At least I've trained that monkey to give me visions of how a draft could get polished. This projection shit is getting wearying, as if obsessing over if people will think of my novel as a cheap knock-off is some healthy alchemy that'll make the end-product better. No, wrong way. Worked out a decent first draft of a scene for Chapter 3 last week. And while I'm not trying to worry about audience thinks, I felt a little more confident when the scene passed the Tuesday Night Writing Group's sniff test. It's a crutch, I know, but crutches can help you walk on your own. You need to know when to wean yourself off of them.

Speaking of weaning, it's time again for another sabbatical from poli-blogs and their comment boards, locations that are all fists and no ears. Tired of textual yelling. I've got more important things to do with my time. As great as poli-blogs are for ready-mades, the snark and caustics are getting to me again. I'll stick with Cursor for now, as well as a few guilty pleasures: IGN, slashdot, This Modern World (a comment-free poli-blog), Morford. I'm reading for the articles, I suppose you could say. I'm cutting myself off of the peanut gallery. Too many fists, not enough listening.

Note: I've been writing this entry in fits and spurts all day. Sometimes very angry, sometimes snarky. There's a lot of problems I have with the general sniping that goes on at blogs and message boards. Too much noise, not enough signal.

That said, I found this at ThisModernWorld.com. It's in regard to Sen. Durbin's recent mea culpa about earlier comments over Gitmo, torture, and the growing stain on America's soul. The last line, however, stands on its own, a veritable Swiss Army Knife of wisdom to be used in so many locales.

And you can't allow yourself the luxury of being afraid of your own words.