230

Sorry, my love. I had something written here. I don't know why it didn't take. I assure you, I didn't forget. Belatedly, happy monthly anniversary. I love you.

229

To my love. A note, forged with love and delivered with clockwork devotion, to say that I love you and I’m grateful you are part of our adventure. I’ll miss you when I travel on business, but I’ll be home soon with you and the cats. Know I’ll be thinking about you and the cats the whole time. At least when I’m not waylaid by jet lag. 

I love you.

228

19 years as of today. 19 years, sometime after 1 p.m. Seattle time, you said yes. I don’t remember much else. Flashes, I think. Important parts after the names and faces. I remember us. I remember a tapestry of a crowd. I remember it didn’t rain. I remember the white archway. I remember a rookie preacher, us being his first marriage. Your sister sang, a friend of ours did a reading. It was fast, the whole thing. I think the tapestry of the crowd was more excited than we were. We knew what we wanted. I think sometimes the wedding is for other people. No, look, really, we are doing this. We are a for-real couple and we dressed up to say things and you will give us gifts and no there won’t be dancing.

I think we wanted it over with. I think this was a formality, some kind of ritual that we had to do for everyone’s benefit. But we knew already. We knew that having words spoken or rings exchanged wouldn’t matter. We were already there, at that place that the ceremony was supposed to symbolize. Everyone else was catching up. 

Now we are here, 19 years distant. Between that and how long I knew you before, you’ve been part of my life for more than half of it now. It’s the better half, without a doubt. I can only hope I do the same for you. I love you.

227

This month we've traveled to what people would call paradise. It's a family thing, and I want you to know I'm trying not to be in my head for this and enjoying the time away from work and cats and what I do all day in front of a laptop, drafting up imaginary people and synthetic personalities. It's hard for me, relaxing. I don't have a lot of experience being in the moment. I'll try. I'll be with you. I'll swim with turtles. I will be a tourist. I will try and inhabit another skin for a while. With you. I love you.

226

To my love, a happy monthly anniversary. Thank you for being there. Thank you for helping me along when I struggle and falter. Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for having faith. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saying yes. I love you.