Scenes from a blue screen

Sample dialogue from the weekend. I'm on the couch, playing Half-Life 2. My lovely wife is on the couch, too, playing Nintendogs on her pretty, pretty pink DS.

My Lovely Wife: "Look, look what my pug can do. Oh, my pug has a cute little bow in her hair, yes she does."

Me: (screaming): "Headcrab! Zombie!" *sounds of shotgun explosions coming from the TV*

My Lovely Wife (to N-dog): "Ohhh, get the disc. Get it. You scored 10 points. I'm so proud of you."

Me: (cackling): "Come here, zombies. I got me a gravity gun with a chainsaw blade" *explosion, fire, inhuman screaming from the TV* "Oh jeez, that looks like it hurt. You know, that fire consuming your flesh is a lovely shade of pwned!"

My Lovely Wife: "Oh, good doggie. You did a flip. I'm going to give you a bath. Who's a clean girl? Who's a clean little girl? You are, yes you are."

Me: (panicking): "Whose bright idea was it to skin human being and turn them into fast zombies who can leap over roofs?"

My Lovely Wife (to N-dog, or me, or someone else entirely): "Let's go play in the park. No, don't eat that taco you found on the ground. Come. Don't make me drag you."

Me: "Shit! Fuck! Jesus Christ. Big fucking bugs. Everywhere!"

*SMG fire. Loud, frequent. Sound of bodies being ripped apart, dropping onto the sands. Then silence.*

"Hey, wait a minute. The bugs aren't attacking me anymore. The bugs...are following me."

My Lovely Wife: (to N-dog, I'm hoping) "You will go for a walk. Did you see what I did to (the other dog)? I will drag you!"

Me: "Look, honey. I have big bugs at my command. I can command them, make them line up in front of me. I wonder if I can make them do tricks?"

*throws an in-game object, that looks like a round chew-toy. The bugs depart, eating enemy alien soldiers.*

"Oh, how damn cool was that? Who are my little bugs? Who are my good little bugs? You are, yes you are."