257

To my love. It looks like we will be marooned in Europe again for the holidays. We can't go back to America because of the virus. I know this hurts and I wish I could do more. I know we will be okay, but it will be coldness and darkness in another foreign place. A year ago we were heading east to another city in Europe. Now, we moved and found a new home in another cultured, vibrant port city. It is still half a life knowing we can't be with our loved ones again. I promise to do what I can to make the holidays happy and warm for us, living in a space capsule of sorts thousands of miles away from the gravity of childhood memory and family.

 256

To my love. Another monthly anniversary for us. We are in our new home, the real one. Not a temporary corporate lodging, but our actual place where we can have our own furniture and put our things on the walls. We are in our space, for however long it might be. 

I hope you are happy here. I hope I am good to you. 

 255

To my love, another happy monthly anniversary. It has been a whirlwind 12 months for us. I hope it settles soon, especially as we set up in our new home, trying to make a new normal. I'm sorry for my anxiety at this time. I'm sorry for the turbulence in me. I never wanted to have any of what's in me spill out. All I ever wanted was you to be happy and safe. I hope you always will be. I love you.

254

To my love. I hope you are always happy. No matter what. You deserve to be.

253

To my love, 

This time next month we will be elsewhere. 

We will be away from here, away from where everything was hopeful until it wasn’t. I don’t know this was going to be a toxic mess of tribal knowledge and toying with emotions. 

I’m done. We’re both done with here. And I’m happy you said I was doing everything right. I took control, found a new job, and left on my own terms. I didn’t let my depression win. I didn’t collapse and be passive. We’re just about done. Just a couple more things to wrap up and then what I plan to be a scene drive north. 

I feel better. Thank you for helping me out out of the darkness of the past few months. I love you.