294

To my love. Happy monthly anniversary. So much happening while time feels like it is speeding up to Christmas and the end of the year. Soon, 2023 will be gone and not a second too soon. We got out of Germany, returned home and started our lives again here. You settled into your job and are doing spectacularly at it. I'm still mired in the long, drawn-out chase of trying to find a game narrative job at a time where thousands are getting laid off and studios are shuttering. But you've been patient with me and for that I'm grateful. It's the best Christmas gift I could want, even if I didn't know I needed it all along.

 293

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. I feel like something is going to break for us. I had a good couple weeks of interviews and while it might be wishful thinking I sense that the long cold year is going to crack open. We will both be working and we can rebuilt some of the money burned in getting back from Europe. It'll be a relief to go into the holidays with both of us secure again. It's a job I want, and after these long months it feels (assuming the good feelings are true) that I'll be coming back to life. I don't want to think right now if things will break poorly. Right now I want to believe that after this year that it'll end well. 

 292

This one snuck up on me. So much happening, so much up and down, so much hurry up and wait. As the saying goes, this month has been a hell of a year. I haven't been the strongest. I haven't been the happiest. This year has been hard for us. I'm happy you love your job. I'm relieved that you found a place that appreciates you. I hope one day to find a full-time place of my own like that. We deserve some stability after this year. We are home, but until I find stable work it won't feel like we unpacked yet. At least you have a loving househusband who can keep our cats entertained. 

For now, it's enough. For us, there is hope. And always, love. 

Happy monthly anniversary, my love.

 291

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. 

Summer fades to cooler air, the sweet decomposition of fallen leaves, and the excuse to pile more blankets on the bed. Thank you for being kind to me as I still sit in limbo about my writing career. Thank you for believing in me when I don't. You see the longer view. You remember the good things I've done. I got us home from Europe. I found us a place to live and made sure we were comfortable. I stay healthy. I run. I keep going. And that's enough for you. I love you.

 290

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. The summer is starting to give up its wretched, prying heat at long last and we are both finding stability. I'm landing more opportunities for work. You are settling in at your job. We are in our home. Europe is behind us. We have the complete unclenching of the spirit that only comes when you have peace of being on familiar ground. It's more than enough and better than luck. It's the thing I see this month. And if things work out, we will have better news 30 days from now. Until then, I hope you are happy. 

 289

Another month together, my love. We swelter in the July heat as we continue through the summer, you working and me looking for someplace to land still. A couple things might shake out, but I'm still grateful to have enough breathing space to apply and not get discouraged when I get ghosted or come in second place in the final interview. It's been a tough job market, but it'll work out. I'm getting career assistance now and I feel like it's a good way forward. Thank you for believing in me and your patience. Happy monthly anniversary. 

 288

Happy anniversary, my love. Twenty-four years. One condo, two domestic apartments, five overseas apartments. Thousands of miles travelled together. Thousands of meals eaten together. Countless struggles shared and victories embraced. I love you. I hope you have enjoyed this journey so far. 

 287

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. We’ve been home, in our new home, for a month. The moving boxes are fewer. Pictures and other memories are going on walls. The haze of Europe is fading. We’ve always lived here, among the trees in our humble home outside of Seattle. We have put the traveling circus of Europe behind us and have chosen to breathe and rest among coffee, rain, friends, and much more. It is peaceful for now, and I hope you are happy amid the familiar green.

 286

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. Now in the multi-clouded climes of Seattle again. We have left our European adventure behind to return to familiar ground. Both of us with new jobs, a new home, and hopefully newer, fresher selves, devoid of the limits and struggles we had with the languages, the cultural clashes, and the employment blockages for you working abroad. Now we are spinning up a new permanent home, a new car (which is unfortunately necessary), and getting back to the ambient, low-dose chaos and anxiety that is America. At least we have each other and relative calm of Seattle around us. 

 285

To my wife. Happy monthly anniversary in Berlin, where the depressive shroud that is winter slowly gives way to spring. Where the local park has planted flowers budding white, yellow, and purple. Where the snow has stopped and the sun is lasting minutes longer per day. Where families and dogs are appearing in the memorial grounds to lounge in the greening grass. The city is coming back to life, seasons are moving forward in that hopeful, energetic way where anything seems possible and you can rebound from any setback. I hope this is true. I hope the job lands with confirmation so we can break out of this holding pattern. We can move on. I will no longer be the spouse in the desert. 

 284

Happy monthly anniversary, and now we look west after admitting that Germany was not the destination we need. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for being ready to move again, and now we will look at a place where we can both work. It's only fair, even if it means we have to give up Europe and return to the brutal battleground that is America. We would be back, hopefully in Seattle, after 3-4 years. We had an adventure, but I think we always knew that Europe was temporary. At least we had this adventure together, and I am grateful for your patience and openness to our eastward travels. 

 283

Happy monthly anniversary. We have gotten through the gauntlet of the the holidays and now we go through the the dark of winter in Berlin, a special gray kind of darkness that is still haunted from its days east of the Wall. At least things are getting stable with work and we are finding the city less alien. Especially with us finding our way around the city. It is becoming our home.