306

The year comes to finally meet its expiration date.

For this month, I want to reflect on this year of pain, of almost-yes, of me being in the desert, of me being up and down because I was stupid enough to make my industry my identity. If there's one victory this year, it's that I finally cleaved myself from the industry in which I sometimes work. I am grateful you gave me enough space to see it at last. I think I had a little more of Europe to work through. 

At least the year will be behind us. At least we can visit family soon and have good distractions. After this year, with its losses and heartbreaks, we deserve it.

 305

To my love, know that I’m turning on the heat on to make sure our home is warm when you come home. It’s the darkening of the year, where the sun vanishes in Seattle for months and you get that cutting rain that feels colder than freezing. At least we are sheltered and at peace. Thank you for being kind and supportive as I get close to the finish line again, but then… no. You’ve been supportive, even when I don’t remember as I fret about the future. 

 304

Happy monthly anniversary to my love. The season has changed to that comfy, cool time of year where we dig out our sweaters or thicker clothing like woolly socks to layer ourselves again the growing cold.

Thank you for being understanding as a couple of studios weaseled out of potential contracts. I’m grateful you know I’m hustling and it’s my industry that’s the real culprit. It’s reassuring at a time like this. 

Now, let’s go watch some spooky movies. 

 303

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. This month is up and down, and hopefully our health troubles will pass without issue. I'm grateful we are in a stable place, even though a couple of contract fell through. At some point, and I think it's coming soon, where I'm going to pivot out and not make gaming my life anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm grateful we have some space to decide. 

302

Happy monthly anniversary. Thank you for your kindness during this rough month. I think I'm on the other side, but this has been a nightmare for my industry. Luckily we are stable and not in danger. We aren't panicking. After this summer it's a relief to just feel stable. I think we take our cues from one another and seeing you not panicking is reassuring. We will be okay, even if my industry is on fire.