304

Happy monthly anniversary to my love. The season has changed to that comfy, cool time of year where we dig out our sweaters or thicker clothing like woolly socks to layer ourselves again the growing cold.

Thank you for being understanding as a couple of studios weaseled out of potential contracts. I’m grateful you know I’m hustling and it’s my industry that’s the real culprit. It’s reassuring at a time like this. 

Now, let’s go watch some spooky movies. 

 303

Happy monthly anniversary, my love. This month is up and down, and hopefully our health troubles will pass without issue. I'm grateful we are in a stable place, even though a couple of contract fell through. At some point, and I think it's coming soon, where I'm going to pivot out and not make gaming my life anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm grateful we have some space to decide. 

302

Happy monthly anniversary. Thank you for your kindness during this rough month. I think I'm on the other side, but this has been a nightmare for my industry. Luckily we are stable and not in danger. We aren't panicking. After this summer it's a relief to just feel stable. I think we take our cues from one another and seeing you not panicking is reassuring. We will be okay, even if my industry is on fire. 

 301

A happy monthly anniversary to us.  This year has been hard, uneven. I'm grateful you are stable and patient. It's a quiet time now, but at least there's no major drama. A calm moment in the heat of summer and being able to breathe. Still, I feel like I could do more. You deserve more, even if you don't say so. Even if you protest. I just don't want to be someone who never contributes, even though you never ever have said that was me. 

I still think about Europe. I wish it would have been better, but you are right. There was a lot more happening that would have still happened if I was perfect.

 300

Today, now, 25 years. This is us. At this point, we were having dinner with family and friends who came from thousands of miles away to see us say the words as we stood before them. It almost felt like a formality. We were already in that space where we were married. This was just a day with words and cake. 

I know I've written this here before but it does not feel like 25 years. But then it doesn't feel like yesterday. I know time has passed. We moved, traveled, said hello and goodbye to some of our cats through the years. We have endured pain and heartache. We have celebrated. You have been there and, in typical fashion, all I think about are the moments I would hurt you. I know there's more. I know we have had good times. I just wish they were all there, that I was stronger and stopped chasing angry ghosts. 

We have outlived what has come and then gone. You trust me. You love me. I hope that will always be so. 

My love, happy 25 years. I never thought this was possible.